3 Psychological Factors that Steal Your Self-Esteem

Has anyone ever told you that you do not value or appreciate yourself enough? That you are too competent for your current position? Or that you were too good for your ex?

Were they right?

As odd as it may sound, other people often are much better judges of our character and our talents than we are. The reason is that our self-image is greatly distorted by our unconscious beliefs, past experiences and most importantly our level of self-esteem.

The tricky part is that most of us are sure that our self-esteem is high and healthy, yet we consistently under appreciate our skills, over doubt our decisions and under act when opportunities present themselves.

Think about it – Have you ever been in situations where you could have acted with a little more boldness, but at the last minute you chickened out and let the opportunity pass right in front of your nose?

I know I have and I actually do not believe myself to suffer from low self-esteem.
It is not poor self-esteem that is the problem, but the occasional ‘mental friction’ that arises at the worst possible moment in the worst possible place.

At the base of this friction lie three psychological factors that largely contribute to dampened self-confidence, occasional self-doubts and groundless shyness:

Self-Esteem Factor #1: Locus of control

This strangely sounding psychology term has a lot to do with personal responsibility and feeling of being in control of our destiny. As a rule people with an internal locus of control see their accomplishments and failures as a direct result of their actions. People with an external locus of control believe that “things just happen to them”, therefore, they attribute their successes and failures to forces outside their influence (e.g. luck or fate).

Depending on the circumstances our locus of control can shift either inwardly or outwardly.

For example, when we start blaming other people or external factors for our problems, we give away our right to improve the situation and this decision impedes our self-confidence and empowers a “victim mentality”. On the other hand, taking the decision to take responsibility for everything that happens to us, both good and bad, we gain power to change what we do not like and work on those areas of our life that need improvement.

Self-Esteem Factor #2: Self-Validation

Self-esteem is not something we are simply born with. It is an opinion and a number of beliefs that we form about ourselves and our abilities over the course of our life. These self-beliefs are based on: an objective feedback that we get from our environment, conclusions that we make about ourselves and our perception of how other people view us.

When these three factors are in balance, our self-esteem is strong and healthy. But as soon as we start placing higher importance on what others think of us (or what we believe they think of us) we lose our center to the point of conforming our personality and goals to other people’s desires.

This type of behavior creates inner friction between what we would like to do and what we feel we “must do” in order to be liked and to feel good about ourselves. To eliminate this friction and boost our self-esteem we should know when to listen to someone else’s advice and when to follow our own heart, even at the cost of disapproval.

Self-Esteem Factor #3: Sense of Competence

The third factor talks about how good we believe we are at what we do. My 6-year old nephew, for example, firmly believes that he is great at things he has never tried in his life, like ice-skating or ghost-hunting. And to my outward amazement he learns new skill with remarkable speed.

You and I may be more careful about making claims of our mastery. We rely on our experience, our accomplishments and actual results of our actions before deciding whether we are skilled at something or not.
When we do not feel we are making any progress, our level of self-esteem decreases and we start having doubts about our abilities.

But in order to improve and develop our talents, we need to learn how to separate our performance from who we are. A setback or a single mistake does not make us a failure. It simply makes us human.

Symptoms of Low Self-Esteem

Understanding the symptoms of low self esteem is crucial to your success in life. If you are unaware of how your self esteem is achieved and the levels you should aim for you will be unable to utilise your true potential by having the determination you need to attain your planned dreams and visualisations.

The most common symptoms of low self esteem are:

1. Lack of ambition

To not have any ambition or enthusiasm in whatever you do in life is one of the worst symptoms of low self esteem. If you do not have any enthusiasm in your job you will find it difficult to gain promotion or better your prospects in your professional life. This will lead to frustration and aggression. Likewise lack of enthusiasm in any area of your life will only ensure you do not give your best and this will only bring sadness and unhappiness.

2. Negative behavior and attitude

Always seeing things negatively or having negative thoughts will prevent you from experiencing a favourable result in anything you attempt to do making everyday life an uphill struggle. Endeavour to rise above the negativity, find a solution, or support from a friend.

3. Lack of pride in your appearance

First impressions count so if you do not take pride in your appearance and not pay attention to your dress, tending to look untidy and disorganised, which is the image you are portraying to everyone around you. Your appearance often indicates what type of person you really are so if you tend to have an unbothered, uncared for style of dress then this is representative of your personality and character.

4. Unhealthy lifestyle

Another important symptom of low self esteem is the way you look after yourself: your diet and lifestyle. By not eating a sensible diet, lack of exercise and maybe excessive alcohol intake these are all contributory factors to an unhealthy lifestyle which can often be accompanied by ill health too. Feeling low in mood is often fuelled by eating comfort foods as a result and you are caught up in a catch 22 situation very easily.

5. Shyness

Being unable to speak to someone without experiencing blushing or just being unable to speak when you meet someone new are common problems which can be overcome. However, if you are a casualty of severe shyness where you experience panic attacks or emotional distress, it may be advisable to seek professional help.

6. Fear

Fear of failure is probably one of the most destructive feelings to experience but fear whether it is a phobia or just an everyday fear all need to be overcome to be able to live a fulfilling life. So learn how to handle and manage your fear. Find the ability within yourself to face each fear and analyse the situation by seeing fear as your protector and facing the dangers as they arise. Recognise the benefits of fear and work with them to free yourself.

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by Kathryn James
Check out http://www.positivity2prosperity.com for further details.

The Facts About Confidence

Facing the world full of confidence is sometimes out of your league particularly if you have come up against or been compromised by adversity, in some form or other. If this is the case, learn how to get back on track by reminding yourself of the facts about confidence.

Failure

Sometimes you may be afraid of stepping out of your comfort zone to take advantage of an opportunity but refrain for fear of the slightest chance of failure. You must not let this be a deterrent. Don’t put yourself under unnecessary pressure by thinking you have to be perfect to take on a new venture. Accept that there may be setbacks but prepare yourself to tackle what lies ahead. As long as you are in a positive frame of mind it will be surprising what you can achieve. If any setbacks occur learn from them and move on.

Negativity

To be able to combat negative influences, you must understand what makes you tick. Learn where your weaknesses lie and strive to build on them because this is where any negative influence will strike. At the same time ensure you are aware of your strengths as this will empower you to overcome any negative influences when then arise.

Making Comparisons

Comparing yourself with others is a common problem that many people struggle to overcome. This develops if you focus too often on others whom you put on a pedestal, by looking through rose coloured spectacles at their lives, using your precious time when your concentration should be on your own life. In fact all too often when you are pre-occupied in doing this you tend to neglect seeing the good things you have in your life. So make sure you focus on yourself which will be far more constructive.

Unable to Cope

To admit being unable to cope with a situation is not a sign of weakness or failure. Everyone will face this predicament at some time in their life. Being able to ask for help from people you trust when you are overwhelmed by work, home or social demands only shows that you are human and normal.

Social Skills

Although new social situations can seem daunting, especially meeting strangers, making small talk is easier than you think. In doing so you will gain social skills that will enhance your life and give a boost to your confidence. In addition you will also acquire new acquaintances and obtain more knowledge maybe in new areas that have always interested you but have been unable to become involved.

Saying “No”

Learning how to say no can be a very difficult situation only if you allow it. Many people find it easier to say yes than no, purely for the fact that they feel they are letting someone down or because they think people will not like them. But this is not true. The ability to say no in the right situation commands respect from others and at the same time will alleviate the stress from your life.

These facts about confidence are reminders for you, should you feel your confidence levels need a boost. Taking a little time out of your busy day to reflect on your level of confidence could prove to be extremely worthwhile.

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by Kathryn James
For further information visit http://www.positivity2prosperity.com

Seven Simple Ways to Fall in Love With Yourself

Not feeling the spark about who you are and why you’re alive?

Can’t get excited about the day ahead of you?

Feel like you’re not in love with yourself?

If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my 50 years of life, and over 25 years of helping myself and others lead a life filled with energy and enthusiasm, it’s that everything begins with an authentic desire to feel better. This is just another way of saying that what we all want to be filled with our own love, bubbling up from inside of ourselves, and expressed outwardly into the world. We want to be free to place our energy and authentic desires into creative activities that have meaning to us personally.

While there are many ways and many paths to achieving this higher state of consciousness, I wanted to share some really specific and concrete things you can do today, right now, or this week to change the dynamics of your relationship with yourself and start feeling excited about your life again.

Simple, fun, and effective! Here you go…

Create a Big Vision for Your Life.

Think big and write it down. There’s something magical about thinking into the future and imaging yourself living a great life. Writing down your dreams begins the process of crystallizing that imagined life by moving it into reality. No longer is your desire swirling around in your ethereal mist. It has now taken a step into physical life.

Start Small.

A big dream is exactly that-BIG. And big often implies overwhelming. That’s why your big written dream is only a roadmap, not a daily action plan. Use your dreams as a guidepost to determine your everyday choices and actions. With each choice and action you can ask, “Did I move in the general direction of my dream, or did I wander off course?”

Look for the Passion in Your Journey.

Having more passion involves a sense of knowing what you want and moving in that direction because doing so is important to you. You decide to face your challenges or attempt to bring your desires to life because doing so will allow a new expression of who you really are. You decide you want to feel differently in your body, overcome stress, end your struggles with weight, find a way to move through depression, or begin that new career because you want to live your life differently, more powerfully, and filled with more happiness. You may not succeed right away, but you have to know within yourself that what you want is important to you!

Live in the Present.

Take whatever steps are necessary to heal your past, forgive and let go, and live in the present moment. Reexamine your past experiences from the vantage point of this present moment. How did you grow as a result? Was there a hidden gift in the experience? What did you learn as a result of the situation? Repeat this process until you can forgive yourself and others, let go of fear, anger, and resentment, and bring the wisdom gained from those past experiences into your present life.

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Ten Methods For Overcoming Low Self Esteem

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