The Art of Staying True to Yourself

We enter the world as babies bursting with confidence, happy, and totally free to be ourselves. The world is our oyster; we’re eager to explore and life is one big adventure. Every time we fall over, we pick ourselves right back up and keep just going, never worrying what other people think about us. We are born into a world full of opportunity and with the potential to achieve incredible things; let somehow, this potential gets unwittingly crushed between birth and adulthood.

From the very day we are born, we’re subjected to social conditioning from our parents, teachers, the government and the media. We’re taught that in order to succeed in life and be happy we must get good grades at school, go to university and get a well-paid job. If we’re to be accepted within certain social circles we are expected to drive expensive cars, own a big house in an exclusive area, and wear designer clothes.

It an unfortunate reality of the modern world, that in order for a girl to feel beautiful, she’s led to believe that she must look like a model on the cover of a glossy magazine. It’s no surprise then, that gradually over the years, many of us begin to lose our sense of identity, struggle to understand who we really are, and feel misplaced in life.

The sad truth is that we often hide our dreams and true values in order to be accepted by others. By the time we reach adulthood, we’ll have created a whole belief system based on what we’ve been told as we’ve grown up, and instinctively we find evidence to support these beliefs. However, many of them are incredibly limiting such as “I’m not good enough” or “I always fail” etc.

Find Out What You Truly Want

We carry the burden of these beliefs with us throughout our lives without ever questioning whether they are really true, or if they even serve any useful purpose. It’s these limiting beliefs that are the ones that hold us back in life. They keep us boxed in, and make us scared to shine. They make us fearful of what others might think if we reveal who we truly are.

You may want the fast car, a glamorous lifestyle and a big house. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that as long as it’s what you REALLY want and you’re being true to yourself; not what you think you need in order to be happy. If you find yourself being an entirely different person at work to when you are at home; ask yourself: “Is this what I really want, or is this what others expect of me?” “Why can’t I be myself?”

Let Your Personality Shine

The most beautiful people in the world are those who allow their true selves to shine through; they exude confidence, poise and radiate warmth. In doing so, they naturally give others permission to feel beautiful also.
The happiest, most successful people are those who follow their heart, pursue their dreams and have such an indestructible belief in themselves and what they’re doing, that others can’t fail to believe in them also.

So as the start of another year looms, ask yourself if you are really happy and living the life that you want. Life is precious and the sands of time are ticking. This isn’t a dress rehearsal; this is your one shot. Life may be short, but it’s also far too long to be living it by someone else’s standards or ideals.

Stay true to yourself; follow your dreams and never, ever, be afraid to reveal the amazing person within you.

Author’s Bio

Gerry Henderson is a Personal and Professional coach. She has a passion for working with people to improve confidence, put the fun back into life, and to find their passion and true purpose.

3 Psychological Factors that Steal Your Self-Esteem

Has anyone ever told you that you do not value or appreciate yourself enough? That you are too competent for your current position? Or that you were too good for your ex?

Were they right?

As odd as it may sound, other people often are much better judges of our character and our talents than we are. The reason is that our self-image is greatly distorted by our unconscious beliefs, past experiences and most importantly our level of self-esteem.

The tricky part is that most of us are sure that our self-esteem is high and healthy, yet we consistently under appreciate our skills, over doubt our decisions and under act when opportunities present themselves.

Think about it – Have you ever been in situations where you could have acted with a little more boldness, but at the last minute you chickened out and let the opportunity pass right in front of your nose?

I know I have and I actually do not believe myself to suffer from low self-esteem.
It is not poor self-esteem that is the problem, but the occasional ‘mental friction’ that arises at the worst possible moment in the worst possible place.

At the base of this friction lie three psychological factors that largely contribute to dampened self-confidence, occasional self-doubts and groundless shyness:

Self-Esteem Factor #1: Locus of control

This strangely sounding psychology term has a lot to do with personal responsibility and feeling of being in control of our destiny. As a rule people with an internal locus of control see their accomplishments and failures as a direct result of their actions. People with an external locus of control believe that “things just happen to them”, therefore, they attribute their successes and failures to forces outside their influence (e.g. luck or fate).

Depending on the circumstances our locus of control can shift either inwardly or outwardly.

For example, when we start blaming other people or external factors for our problems, we give away our right to improve the situation and this decision impedes our self-confidence and empowers a “victim mentality”. On the other hand, taking the decision to take responsibility for everything that happens to us, both good and bad, we gain power to change what we do not like and work on those areas of our life that need improvement.

Self-Esteem Factor #2: Self-Validation

Self-esteem is not something we are simply born with. It is an opinion and a number of beliefs that we form about ourselves and our abilities over the course of our life. These self-beliefs are based on: an objective feedback that we get from our environment, conclusions that we make about ourselves and our perception of how other people view us.

When these three factors are in balance, our self-esteem is strong and healthy. But as soon as we start placing higher importance on what others think of us (or what we believe they think of us) we lose our center to the point of conforming our personality and goals to other people’s desires.

This type of behavior creates inner friction between what we would like to do and what we feel we “must do” in order to be liked and to feel good about ourselves. To eliminate this friction and boost our self-esteem we should know when to listen to someone else’s advice and when to follow our own heart, even at the cost of disapproval.

Self-Esteem Factor #3: Sense of Competence

The third factor talks about how good we believe we are at what we do. My 6-year old nephew, for example, firmly believes that he is great at things he has never tried in his life, like ice-skating or ghost-hunting. And to my outward amazement he learns new skill with remarkable speed.

You and I may be more careful about making claims of our mastery. We rely on our experience, our accomplishments and actual results of our actions before deciding whether we are skilled at something or not.
When we do not feel we are making any progress, our level of self-esteem decreases and we start having doubts about our abilities.

But in order to improve and develop our talents, we need to learn how to separate our performance from who we are. A setback or a single mistake does not make us a failure. It simply makes us human.

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others and Boost your Self Esteem

Comparing ourselves to others is a complex process and can lead to very different outcomes. The consequences of which vary greatly depending on how and why we choose to draw comparisons with others.

Positive Comparisons

Reassurance is a key factor with self-comparison; people stand themselves up against others as a checking in or reference point. We look out for people with similar characteristics and mark ourselves against them.

For example; mothers may look to other mothers dealing with young children and asses their parenting skills. The outcome of this is that they sense that they are achieving the same outcome and feel good about what they are doing.

We can also learn and improve through comparing ourselves, look at what others are doing and see how they have done this, using this as a benchmark.

Comparing ourselves to older and more experienced individuals can also be a useful way of looking at our own development and can provide assistance to choosing paths. Learning from the mistakes of others and understanding that life doesn’t always run smoothly can help us move forward.

Observing the lives of others on a global scale or as close as next door can help put perspective on our own lives.

Negative Comparisons

Choosing to compare ourselves against people or situations that make us feel inadequate is an utter waste of time. If you had a painful cut on your finger would you rub a handful of salt all over the wound? No you would not; you would clean the cut and put a plaster on it. If you are feeling unsuccessful and down on yourself, take positive steps towards self-improvement and protect yourself rather than adding insult to injury.

Battling insecurities through bringing up irrelevant comparisons is a dangerous game, the gut-wrenching emotions of uselessness that emerge are poisonous and can easily be avoided through taking control and not allowing yourself to get pulled into this pointless game.

The list of negative self-comparisons is endless, generally it will reflect whatever it is that you are struggling with at the time, below I have outlined a few examples of some of the most common forms:

• Body image: Feeling insecure about your appearance or weight? Picking up a magazine and flicking through pictures of scantily clad models is not going to help! Looking at the weight loss and dieting efforts of celebrities against your own is fruitless. All you are getting is an image with a brief written capsule of text you have nothing real or concrete to set against yourself. Ditch the magazines and opt for a novel instead.
• Relationships: Comparing yourself against your current partners ex is a sure fire way of creating avoidable bitterness and angst. Maybe she seems more successful? More attractive? More fun? Torturing yourself about the past can distance you from the present, it is your future that you are working towards, concentrate on what you are doing right and what works and learn to leave what is in the past: behind.
• Career: If you are feeling uncertain of unhappy in your current career, putting yourself up against someone who you see as being more successful is a damaging approach. Dwelling on how well somebody else is achieving does nothing but hinder your own development. Instead look into positive steps to improve your working situation.

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Whoever or whatever it is that you use to negatively compare yourself against, should be recognised and dealt with.

Feeling jealously towards people involved in your life can be difficult to deal with; you may be very fond of them but find them difficult to be around when you are having moments of self-doubt. Rather than subjecting yourself to them, take a little break, it is far better to distance yourself for a moment than tainting a friendship with jealousy.

Making yourself aware of what makes you feel inadequate is a great way of dealing with it, learn to recognise how and why you get involved in this negative cycle and quickly remove yourself.

Think: comparing yourself to others is pointless, because there has never been or will be a person just like you!

Anne Davies is the author of anne’s-aneries a daily lifestyle blog, anne also guest blogs on on a varied selection of topics, from affordable bridal sets to self-help guides.

Children Who Wear Glasses: 5 Tips for Positive Self-Esteem

All children have an innate desire to fit in with everyone around them. While parents can see and appreciate their child’s uniqueness and individualism, children may not have positive self-esteem if they appear different from their peers. If your child is one who needs to wear glasses and is demonstrating poor self-esteem because of it, there are five things you can do as a parent to help.

1. Make it Fun

If you had a difficult time getting your child to the eye doctor and making him sit for the exam, imagine how hard it will be for him to keep something on his face that he despises. Set aside a day where you and your child can go shopping for frames. Give your child freedom to choose ones that he likes and will feel good wearing, but always within reason. You will have the best luck if you choose a few that are “parent-approved” and let him make a decision from there. You can also buy a fun, brightly colored case, or a case with his favorite cartoon character, that he will enjoy carrying around.

2. Show Pictures

Prepare a slideshow or look through magazines and books to show your child that he is not alone. Nick Jr. has a website devoted especially for children wearing eyeglasses, and they use your child’s favorite Nicktoon character as an example. If he idolizes the Backyardigans or Diego, he will see that his hero is wearing them and that he can be like them. If your child is older and has a favorite band, musician, actor or athlete, try to find photos of these individuals wearing their glasses. This can help your child to feel that wearing glasses can be cool.

3. Teach Proper Care

Teach your child how to properly care for his glasses. Unless you want to find him outside trying to fry eggs on the sidewalk with his lenses, show him what to do, then give him the materials and let him try it himself. Your child will gain a sense of responsibility and pride, which will make him feel more like an adult. If you wear glasses, set an example by going through the same motions as you teach your child. Carry your glasses with you, and have lens-cleaning parties with your child.

4. Celebrate Unique Talents

As a parent, you must take it upon yourself to show your child that he is special and that his talents and personality are what shine through. If your child is bright academically, he should be encouraged for his hard work. If your child excels at reading and shows promise of creative thinking, teach him that his skills are worth more than his appearance. If your child is musically gifted, you should persuade him to practice his instrument, learn a new instrument, or start a playgroup where he can play music with his friends. Focus on skills, talents and abilities, not appearance.

5. Show Love

Assure your child that he is loved no matter what he looks like. Let him know that he is not the only one who feels this way. Spend one day a week where you take him to a place of his choosing, whether it be the mall, a park, or out to eat. Remind him that he has to wear his glasses but the activity is up to him. This will help him feel more comfortable in public.

Above all, celebrate your child’s uniqueness. Teach him that there is more to someone than just their appearance, and even people who wear glasses can grow up to lead successful, happy lives.

Sara Roberts is a content contributor for Just Eyewear, a prescription eyeglasses and prescription sunglasses retailer.

Body Image… Body Image

Do you avoid looking in the mirror? Are you critical of the shape of your body? Do you feel that you can’t measure up to our society’s image of what is beautiful?

Your body image is how you see yourself in the mirror, picture yourself in your mind, or talk to yourself about your body. Having a negative body image is a widespread problem for girls. Research says that only 9 percent of high school girls are overweight according to medical standards, but four times that number think that they are.

This is quite alarming since it points to the fact that girls seem to base their unrealistic standards and negative body talk on what they see in the media or on criticism from family members. Sadly, you can learn a lot that is negative about your body from family members. So, its no surprise that you have unhealthy ideas about food, weight, and appearance.

However, you can decide to take care of yourself in healthier ways by not referring to your body in negative terms. Here are a few tips for you to do just that.

1. Don’t beat yourself up about your bodily flaws or obsess over them. Each of you will have different assets and flaws. Try and focus on your assets and beautiful parts and don’t focus on your flaws.

2. Watch negative self-talk. Try not to say anything negative about your body. Your body is the temple for your soul and because of this it is valuable in its own right, regardless of whether or not you measure up to another person’s idea of what is right for you.

3. Try to carry yourself with confidence. Walk tall, talk assertively and present yourself in a confident world to the world. Think about the amazing things that your body can do and compliment your unique assets.

4. Engage in positive self-talk. Two or three times a day, find something nice to say about your body. Learn to like yourself. Each of you have something that you absolutely love about yourself. Celebrate those things as often as possible.

You have a right to be different from what your friends and family and the media want you to look like. Choose your own body type and live in accordance to it without worrying what others think too much. You deserve peace of mind.

Irene S. Roth has an adolescent blog and is in the middle of writing 3 E-books about self-esteem and self-confidence for girls. Please look out for them the Winter/Spring of 2011 at http://adolescentgirlsblog.wordpress.com

The Five Steps to Changing Your Personal Image

Let’s face it: people are superficial beings. While we like to think of ourselves as an evolved species, we’re still judging people based on appearances.

I could go on and on about why this is but it won’t make a difference. What WILL make a difference is the understanding that our personal image plays a crucial role in our professional and personal lives.

I want to make it simple for you. In fact, I’m going to make it bluntly simple. I’ve put together a series of simple steps that, if you follow them, will solve this aspect for good. That’s right – no need to buy expensive courses about style makeovers, no need to hire consultants with $200 per hour.

Just follow these steps and you’ll see for yourself the instant results that an image makeover can bring. Let’s start with…

Step 1: Assess where you are right now and where you want to be

Before knowing where you’re going, you need to know where you are. For this, you need to ask yourself a few simple questions:

• How well do I dress right now? Am I more attracted to casual clothing or to formal clothing?
• What’s my lifestyle? Who are my friends?
• What kind of job do I have?
• What kind of hobbies do I have? Where do I usually go out at night and in the weekends?

Now answer these questions about where you want to be in the near future. We all have our dreams and aspirations so the clearer you are about them, the clearer will your path be towards them. A word of advice: be as specific as possible.

• What kind of job/promotion do I want? Am I happy where I am? What do the people that are already in the job positions that I want dress like?
• What kind of friends do I want to have? What do the people that feel more in tune with dress like?
• What hobbies do I have that I always wanted to do but never got to?

Hopefully you’re crystal clear about this. If you think you need a pen and paper, by all means, use them.

Step 2: Define your activities

Ok, you made it to step two. By now you should have a very good idea of two things: where you are and where you want to be.

Now it’s time to figure out what kind of clothing you need to feel great living the lifestyle you defined. Pay attention here: if you wrote that you see yourself as Donald Trump, it’s not time you should start buying $5,000 suits.

Notice how I underlined in step one you should consider the near future. Why? Because you’re only looking for clothes you can wear starting right now and for up to one or two years. We’re thinking short and medium term here, because clothes have a lifespan of their own(usually up to 2 years).

After step 1, you figured out some of the activities you’d like to be doing, and some you’re already doing. Now it’s time to put them all in one big list, in order of priority.

Here’s the priority criteria: How important is my image during each activity?

Activities you feel are very important to you and you decide you should be dressed great, come at the top. Leave at the end activities where your personal image is not that important (such as fishing or weekend rides to the countryside).

Step 3: Put up a list of clothes you must have to fulfill each activity

Now we’re finally getting into the juicy stuff: clothes! Take each activity one by one, in order of importance, and write for each, on a separate line, the clothes you’ll need to wear to look at your best.

Suppose you’re a guy and that your list of activities looks like this:

1. Clubbing
2. Meeting clients to which I sell products
3. Going to casual dinners to fancy restaurants
4. ….

The list of clothes may look something like this (if you’re a guy):

1. A slim tie, a fedora hat, a sports jacket, three t-shirts, a pair of loafers
2. A wool suit, 4 dress shirts, a pair of brogue shoes
3. A sports jacket, a pair of khakis, a pair of loafers
4. …

Notice how some items may appear two or more times. It’s ok, you’ll surely be wearing the same items of clothing to different activities.
The resulting list of clothes you need to buy or have looks like this:

1. A slim tie
2. A fedora hat
3. A sports jacket
4. Three t-shirts
5. A pair of loafers
6. A wool suit
7. …

Remember, the fedora hat should be bought before the wool suit because you marked the clubbing activity higher than your job as a salesperson. This may not be your case, this was just for example’s sake.

Step 4:  Start buying

Now that you know what you need, it’s a piece of cake to know what to buy. Some items you may already have in your closet. If they still look good (no faded colors, no stains), go ahead and skip buying new ones.

Go through the list of clothing items one item at a time and don’t go to the next one until you make sure you have each of them in your closet.

Of course, you don’t have to buy them all at once. It all depends on your budget. Setting a budget is very important so you don’t end up buying clothes you don’t need.

Step 5: Repeat steps 1 through 5

I guess I over delivered my promise from the beginning of this article. Step 5 is not really a step so you have only 4 actual steps to do to get to your perfect personal image.

Once or twice a year, review your activities and notice if any of them changed. If they did, it’s time to update all your lists.

If they didn’t, all you have to recheck your clothing items list (the last one I told you to make) and see what’s the most important thing to buy is.

Good luck!

George Laz?r

http://www.BeStylish.org

Symptoms of Low Self-Esteem

Understanding the symptoms of low self esteem is crucial to your success in life. If you are unaware of how your self esteem is achieved and the levels you should aim for you will be unable to utilise your true potential by having the determination you need to attain your planned dreams and visualisations.

The most common symptoms of low self esteem are:

1. Lack of ambition

To not have any ambition or enthusiasm in whatever you do in life is one of the worst symptoms of low self esteem. If you do not have any enthusiasm in your job you will find it difficult to gain promotion or better your prospects in your professional life. This will lead to frustration and aggression. Likewise lack of enthusiasm in any area of your life will only ensure you do not give your best and this will only bring sadness and unhappiness.

2. Negative behavior and attitude

Always seeing things negatively or having negative thoughts will prevent you from experiencing a favourable result in anything you attempt to do making everyday life an uphill struggle. Endeavour to rise above the negativity, find a solution, or support from a friend.

3. Lack of pride in your appearance

First impressions count so if you do not take pride in your appearance and not pay attention to your dress, tending to look untidy and disorganised, which is the image you are portraying to everyone around you. Your appearance often indicates what type of person you really are so if you tend to have an unbothered, uncared for style of dress then this is representative of your personality and character.

4. Unhealthy lifestyle

Another important symptom of low self esteem is the way you look after yourself: your diet and lifestyle. By not eating a sensible diet, lack of exercise and maybe excessive alcohol intake these are all contributory factors to an unhealthy lifestyle which can often be accompanied by ill health too. Feeling low in mood is often fuelled by eating comfort foods as a result and you are caught up in a catch 22 situation very easily.

5. Shyness

Being unable to speak to someone without experiencing blushing or just being unable to speak when you meet someone new are common problems which can be overcome. However, if you are a casualty of severe shyness where you experience panic attacks or emotional distress, it may be advisable to seek professional help.

6. Fear

Fear of failure is probably one of the most destructive feelings to experience but fear whether it is a phobia or just an everyday fear all need to be overcome to be able to live a fulfilling life. So learn how to handle and manage your fear. Find the ability within yourself to face each fear and analyse the situation by seeing fear as your protector and facing the dangers as they arise. Recognise the benefits of fear and work with them to free yourself.

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by Kathryn James
Check out http://www.positivity2prosperity.com for further details.

The Facts About Confidence

Facing the world full of confidence is sometimes out of your league particularly if you have come up against or been compromised by adversity, in some form or other. If this is the case, learn how to get back on track by reminding yourself of the facts about confidence.

Failure

Sometimes you may be afraid of stepping out of your comfort zone to take advantage of an opportunity but refrain for fear of the slightest chance of failure. You must not let this be a deterrent. Don’t put yourself under unnecessary pressure by thinking you have to be perfect to take on a new venture. Accept that there may be setbacks but prepare yourself to tackle what lies ahead. As long as you are in a positive frame of mind it will be surprising what you can achieve. If any setbacks occur learn from them and move on.

Negativity

To be able to combat negative influences, you must understand what makes you tick. Learn where your weaknesses lie and strive to build on them because this is where any negative influence will strike. At the same time ensure you are aware of your strengths as this will empower you to overcome any negative influences when then arise.

Making Comparisons

Comparing yourself with others is a common problem that many people struggle to overcome. This develops if you focus too often on others whom you put on a pedestal, by looking through rose coloured spectacles at their lives, using your precious time when your concentration should be on your own life. In fact all too often when you are pre-occupied in doing this you tend to neglect seeing the good things you have in your life. So make sure you focus on yourself which will be far more constructive.

Unable to Cope

To admit being unable to cope with a situation is not a sign of weakness or failure. Everyone will face this predicament at some time in their life. Being able to ask for help from people you trust when you are overwhelmed by work, home or social demands only shows that you are human and normal.

Social Skills

Although new social situations can seem daunting, especially meeting strangers, making small talk is easier than you think. In doing so you will gain social skills that will enhance your life and give a boost to your confidence. In addition you will also acquire new acquaintances and obtain more knowledge maybe in new areas that have always interested you but have been unable to become involved.

Saying “No”

Learning how to say no can be a very difficult situation only if you allow it. Many people find it easier to say yes than no, purely for the fact that they feel they are letting someone down or because they think people will not like them. But this is not true. The ability to say no in the right situation commands respect from others and at the same time will alleviate the stress from your life.

These facts about confidence are reminders for you, should you feel your confidence levels need a boost. Taking a little time out of your busy day to reflect on your level of confidence could prove to be extremely worthwhile.

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by Kathryn James
For further information visit http://www.positivity2prosperity.com

Seven Simple Ways to Fall in Love With Yourself

Not feeling the spark about who you are and why you’re alive?

Can’t get excited about the day ahead of you?

Feel like you’re not in love with yourself?

If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my 50 years of life, and over 25 years of helping myself and others lead a life filled with energy and enthusiasm, it’s that everything begins with an authentic desire to feel better. This is just another way of saying that what we all want to be filled with our own love, bubbling up from inside of ourselves, and expressed outwardly into the world. We want to be free to place our energy and authentic desires into creative activities that have meaning to us personally.

While there are many ways and many paths to achieving this higher state of consciousness, I wanted to share some really specific and concrete things you can do today, right now, or this week to change the dynamics of your relationship with yourself and start feeling excited about your life again.

Simple, fun, and effective! Here you go…

Create a Big Vision for Your Life.

Think big and write it down. There’s something magical about thinking into the future and imaging yourself living a great life. Writing down your dreams begins the process of crystallizing that imagined life by moving it into reality. No longer is your desire swirling around in your ethereal mist. It has now taken a step into physical life.

Start Small.

A big dream is exactly that-BIG. And big often implies overwhelming. That’s why your big written dream is only a roadmap, not a daily action plan. Use your dreams as a guidepost to determine your everyday choices and actions. With each choice and action you can ask, “Did I move in the general direction of my dream, or did I wander off course?”

Look for the Passion in Your Journey.

Having more passion involves a sense of knowing what you want and moving in that direction because doing so is important to you. You decide to face your challenges or attempt to bring your desires to life because doing so will allow a new expression of who you really are. You decide you want to feel differently in your body, overcome stress, end your struggles with weight, find a way to move through depression, or begin that new career because you want to live your life differently, more powerfully, and filled with more happiness. You may not succeed right away, but you have to know within yourself that what you want is important to you!

Live in the Present.

Take whatever steps are necessary to heal your past, forgive and let go, and live in the present moment. Reexamine your past experiences from the vantage point of this present moment. How did you grow as a result? Was there a hidden gift in the experience? What did you learn as a result of the situation? Repeat this process until you can forgive yourself and others, let go of fear, anger, and resentment, and bring the wisdom gained from those past experiences into your present life.

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Ten Methods For Overcoming Low Self Esteem

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