Motivation is a State of Mind: 5 Tips on Making It Work

We have all started down the path to a goal at one time or another with the best of intentions. We were highly motivated and virtually shot out of the gate, intent on not only meeting, but exceeding, our goals. At some point, we lost our fire. That motivation that we had at the beginning was simply lost. But where did it go? How is it that we can begin a new project with motivation to spare, only to find it peter out before we’re finished?

The key to staying motivated is to understand that motivation is a state of mind. Though we may have external motivators, ultimately, our motivation lies within. Once you understand that simple fact, you’ll be able to not only get motivated but stay motivated well through the completion of your project or the realization of your goal. Here are five tips to staying motivated:

Motivation Tip #1: One Goal, Not Many

One of the biggest hurdles to maintaining your motivation is biting off more than you can chew. If you discover that your motivation is lagging, look to what you are trying to accomplish and decide if it’s simply too much. If you are getting overwhelmed with all of the things you are trying to accomplish, sit down and prioritize your goals.

Trying to accomplish too many things at once will quickly sap your energy. Concentrate your focus on one goal, moving on to the next when the first is accomplished. For example, if you want to lose 50 pounds, break your weight loss goals into smaller chunks. Make it your first goal to lose ten pounds and then move on to the next ten. Doing so will help you maintain your energy and motivation.

Motivation Tip #2: Find Your Inspiration

How will you stay motivated to meet your goals? Look for varied sources of inspiration! If you want to start your own business, read blogs, articles and books written by successful entrepreneurs. If you want to lose weight, look for others who have achieved their weight loss goals. Don’t expect inspiration to come knocking on your door; get out there and look for it! Finding other people who have not only met their goals, but surpassed them, can be a tremendous source of inspiration and motivation.

Motivation Tip #3: Keep a Journal

Once you’ve decided on what you want to accomplish, keep a journal to track the feelings you experience along the journey. Be sure to keep track of the negatives as well as the positives. Making note of your moods and feelings along the way can help you establish a pattern and help you discover what is sapping your motivation. When you’re feeling particularly underwhelmed, read over your journal and make note of your progress. Reading your journal is a simple activity that can reignite the fire you felt when you started on your journey.

Motivation Tip #4:Surround Yourself with Positive

Believe it or not, one of the quickest ways to lose your motivation is by surrounding yourself with negative people. Whether it’s in real life or on social networking sites, remove the people around you who aren’t 100 percent supportive of your goals. There will always be those people in your life who don’t want to see you succeed, whether they are conscious of that fact or not. You don’t have to ditch these people forever, but you do need to rid yourself of them while you are trying to maintain motivation to realize your dreams.

Motivation Tip #5: Reward Yourself

No matter if it’s our pets, our kids or our spouses, when the beings in our life do something great, we reward them. Do the same for yourself! When you reach milestones along the way to your ultimate goal, do something nice for yourself. Whether you buy yourself a new outfit, give yourself a day at the spa or even spend a day fishing on the lake, do something to reward yourself. Treating yourself for a job well done is a great way to stay motivated enough to meet your goal.

Many people find it helpful to write down the rewards they will give themselves for each milestone. Writing down the ways in which you will reward yourself can keep you motivated when times get tough. If you feel yourself losing motivation, open your journal and see what you’ve promised yourself for the next milestone that you reach. If you’ve made your rewards meaningful, they’ll be enough to get you over any hurdles that you find in your path.

It’s not enough to be motivated; you’ve got to stay motivated! By following these five tips, you can find the motivation that you need to see your goals and dreams to fruition. Set a goal, surround yourself with positive people, find inspiration, keep a journal and reward yourself! You’ll soon find that you’re ready to move on to goal number two!

Jessica Alan is a guidance counselor earning an online masters degree in school counseling while helping children with motivational exercises to prepare them for college.

Procrastination is Not about Laziness

How many times have you heard that procrastination is simple laziness, and that if you would just gut off your butt, you wouldn’t have a problem? I’ve heard it, too, more times than I can count. And as a successfully recovered procrastinator, and now a mentor to people who want to recover from procrastination, let me tell you something.

Procrastination is not about laziness, and anyone who tells you that it is, should be ignored. They don’t know what they’re talking about. They may be very intelligent. They may have a lot of knowledge in other areas. But when it comes to procrastination, they simply do not have the knowledge and understanding to have a valid, informed opinion, and you shouldn’t take their advice. They are not going to be helpful to you.

This is the same principle that says you wouldn’t ask a computer programmer to unplug your bathroom drains, and you wouldn’t ask a plumber to clean the viruses off of your computer. If someone doesn’t know the field they’re giving advice in, you don’t want their advice. And anyone who tells you that procrastination is about laziness, can’t help you because they’re not informed and knowledgeable when it comes to procrastination—no matter what else they may be very good at.

Yeah, I’ve heard it, too.

Now, I think that the people who say “procrastination is laziness” mean well, generally. They honestly think that they’re saying the truth. But they don’t struggle with procrastination, and they have not studied procrastination. So they simply do not understand how debilitating chronic procrastination is; they can’t.

They really don’t understand that relating procrastination to laziness hurts people; they’re trying to help. But their lack of malice doesn’t make what they’re saying any less damaging.

I used to suffer from chronic procrastination myself, and I understand what you’re going through. I know how painful it can be to feel so incredibly paralyzed that you simply cannot do what you need to do. I lost not one, but two businesses because of my procrastination. I have been exactly where you are, and I have overcome it.

As I started reaching out to others to help them overcome chronic procrastination, I realized that almost every chronic procrastinator suffers because of this “laziness” myth.

The problem, of course, is that if you’re convinced that you are the problem, then you cannot solve the problem.

The good news is that you are not the problem. You have a problem with procrastination, but you are not personally the problem. You are just fine, and you can overcome this challenge. You don’t even have to believe what I’m saying right now, but it is true.

And here’s why.

You have done things in your life, like finish school, get a job, make a living, maintain your home well enough that you can live in it, feed and clothe yourself and maintain your personal hygiene, maintain your car if you have one, take care of your children or pets.

The problem is not that you don’t do anything. If that were true, you would have been hospitalized by now. You do things. But right now, and maybe for quite some time, you have not been doing some things (even many things) that you need to do. You haven’t been doing them even though you know there are serious consequences for not doing them. That’s the real problem.

And that’s a problem you can overcome.

I think it’s great, extremely exciting, that laziness is not the problem. Because “laziness” is a nebulous concept that you just can’t really do anything about. How do you “stop being lazy?” You can’t, because it’s impossible to define, isolate and conquer.

But procrastination is a very specific, very easily identifiable problem, and you can face it head-on and deal with it. Because it’s not about you, it’s about a mental block, a habit that has gotten into your head and started controlling your life. You are not the problem; procrastination is the problem, and you can tackle it and overcome it.

You’re not lazy. That is not the problem. You may well have a chronic procrastination problem. You may not be getting everything done, or even close to everything, but that’s not because you’re lazy or bad. It’s because you have a problem with procrastination. And yes, you will have to take some actions to overcome that problem, but I’ve found that one of the first and most important steps is getting over this idea that you are lazy and that you are somehow the problem.

Because you’re not. And not only are you not the problem, you’re actually the solution. And that is the really exciting part. Because once you grasp that concept and put it to work, watch out.

Angie Dixon is the author of the Procrastinate Later Program, the real person’s guide to overcoming procrastination and becoming more effective. Get a free 7-part quick-start course by email and get immediate relief from your procrastination at http://www.helpforprocrastination.net.

How to Get Motivated – 11 Simple Ways

Motivation is a psychological feature which arouses you to take a step forward to your goals. It’s easier to be motivated when you have freedom to choose your goal. But there are also times that your goals are identified by someone else.

Your personal goals are the products of your desires so you have one of the best motivator; your desire.

When it comes to the goals identified by someone else, it can be more difficult to be motivated. You always have something to be done every day. You have to be motivated to finish your job that is identified by your boss. You have to be motivated to help your friends. You have to be motivated to answer your family’s needs. There can be more goals in your life which are identified by others. In that case, you need more help to get motivated.

When you cannot have all things done on time, don’t worry. You are not alone. A day only has 24 hours for each of us. I know there are super moms, workers, students, business owners who seem to have more time than us. Don’t judge yourself and never be in a bad mood. There is always a solution. I can give you some tips to follow and I know they will empower your motivation.

The first thing you should keep in mind is, not to force yourself to get motivated. Forcing yourself only makes you bored, angry, upset and finally, give up. There are better ways for motivation. You can motivate yourself internally or externally.

How to Get Motivated: Internal Factors

1. When you try to get motivated on a subject, there are always interruptions. Instead of getting angry, you should try to find out, if there are opportunities in these interruptions. Actually, interruptions add too much to your motivation. When you lose motivation, your mind has some time to organize your thoughts, your problems and your goals. Finally, you come up with a bright idea which you were searching for and this will help you to get motivated again.

2. In order to get motivated, you must have self confidence. Unless you have self confidence your mind will be busy with your previous failures, the problems that can occur and even with others’ thoughts about you if you fail. You must have self confidence and change your focus from your failures to your success.

3. When you feel powerful, your confidence will rise. The best way to feel powerful comes from your experiences. Try to remember the times which you most feel yourself powerful and successful. Remember a trouble you have solved successfully. Now, come back to the moment and think; you had that power before, you could handle worse before. Why not now?

4. As you know, body posture is important on others’ thoughts but, do you know that you can also empower your self confidence with your posture. When you have the right posture, you will convince yourself that you can get motivated for your success.

5. Do whatever you need to be happy. Happiness helps you to be open to novelty and you can be more motivated to learn and investigate new opportunities. This way you will be more successful.

6. You can also use your anger for motivation. Anger can motivate you to succeed. When using anger you must be careful not trying to prove yourself to others. If you do so, you’ll always keep in mind your failures and that will break down your motivation.

How to Get Motivated: External Factors

7. Music is too much effective on the mood. There are some melodies or lyrics which make you feel something powerful is rising inside you. You feel confident, happy and like you have everything to succeed. Music is a good motivator to help you take steps.

8. Inspirational movies are also like music. When you lose your motivation don’t force anymore and give some time to yourself to relax. Watch a movie which can make you happy or inspired. Don’t think that it is a waste of time. Actually it is a kind of time management. If you don’t watch a movie or do anything else which will inspire you, you will spend the same time trying to find some inspiration to be motivated.

9. You can also use inspirational quotes to motivate. Some quotes, work like a magic. They can empower your motivation.

10. When you feel locked up, the best thing to do is to socialize. Spend some time with friends. Turn your focus to something new and clear your mind for new ideas. Besides, support of friends will add more than you think to your success and motivation. Also, some friends can be more motivational than anything else.

11. Change the place you are working if possible. Even if you don’t notice that, changing your point of view, will help you to change your thoughts and discover something new for your motivation.

Those are not the only motivators you can use. There are also some techniques you can use. You can benefit from meditation, NLP techniques, affirmations and subliminal recordings to motivate yourself.

I hope you won’t have difficulties any more to motivate yourself.

Nil Celen is an investigator for the proofs of “Mind Power” based on scientific resources.
Self-help starts with improving mind power. Researches from Worldwide universities on neuroscience, psychology and much more topics can give you a new perspective about “Mind Power” and how to improve it. Scientific Proofs of Mind Power

How To Set Yourself A Challenge

I’ve always been very thin, and not very strong.

I remember being at a meeting of some kind, years ago. One of the organising ladies drafted me to move furniture, presumably because I was almost the only male under 50 in the room. But when she saw me struggling with a heavy table, she apologised and found someone else. That’s embarassing for a young guy, and I’ve never forgotten it.

So you wouldn’t expect me to set myself a challenge of being able to do 100 pushups, would you?

I’m doing that challenge right now, though.

I believe everyone should have a challenge to help them feel really alive. A challenge is different from stress, because you feel more in control. And in fact, it’s one of the things that helps you to deal with your stress in other areas of life.

Here are five steps towards taking on a challenge for yourself.

1. Have a desire for change

I want to be fitter and stronger. I’ve taken up kayaking, and I want to be able to paddle strongly and for a long period, and still be able to lift the boat onto the roof of the car when I finish. I also just want to feel better physically, to take up more residence in my body. I want those things enough that I’m willing to put some effort in to get them.

What’s your motivation for taking on a new challenge?

2. Believe you can change

I believe I can change. I believe I can rise to challenges. I believe this because I’ve done it before.

I’ve passed exams, learned languages, started businesses, built relationships. I’ve also done a similar challenge to the 100 Pushups, namely 200 Situps. I went from 26 situps to 200. I know it can be done and I know I can do it.

What’s more, I know that when I am successful at a challenge like this, it does more for me than just whatever I get out of the goal itself. When I complete the 100 Pushups challenge, I won’t just have stronger muscles. I’ll have greater mental strength, a sense of achievement – and further confirmation for myself that I can rise to challenges like this and complete them. Completing a challenge changes who you are in your own eyes. And each success you have builds your confidence.

What successes can you look back to in order to support your belief that you can take on a challenge?

3. Find a destination

A challenge, by definition, is a little bit above and beyond what you can do right now. It’s not more than you ever could do, though. I don’t have the body type to win a bodybuilding contest or a weightlifting competition (nor does that interest me, actually). But there’s a wide space in between “I can’t do this now” and “I can definitely never achieve this”. Wider than you think, sometimes.

Somewhere in that space – up towards the scary end – is your challenge. As the wonderful Catherine Caine says, “You should always try anything that makes you uncomfortable, and nothing that makes you uneasy.”

What is your challenge going to be? Can you double it?

4. Get a plan

Sometimes “get a plan” means “make your own plan”. Sometimes it means “find someone else with a plan and use theirs”. For exercise, because I’m no expert, I consult people who are experts and use their plans. The 100 Pushups challenge comes from a website (hundredpushups.com). It tells you, based on how many pushups you can do when you start, how many to do in each of five sets, in each of three exercise days per week, for six weeks. It builds you up gradually to the point where you are capable of 100 consecutive pushups.

That’s a great model for a plan. My fellow New Zealander Sir Edmund Hillary didn’t suddenly get up one morning and climb Mt Everest. He built up to it over years of mountaineering.

Your plan needs to start where you are, end where you want to be, and fill in the middle with steps in which you improve achievably. This means the steps need to be close enough together that you can get to each one from the one before. It’s like stepping stones across a river – if they’re too far apart, you’ll get wet.

Who might be able to help you make a plan to meet your challenge?

5. Implement, implement, implement

Carrying out the plan is, in many ways, the hard part. I don’t enjoy middles nearly as much as beginnings or ends. You’re neither here nor there. You have the work, but you don’t yet have the triumph.

Yet this is where every person succeeded who ever succeeded in any challenge. As I’m huffing and puffing with sore arms, partway through set 3 of 5, I’m not just building my arm muscles. I’m building my perseverance muscles, my determination muscles. Between the exciting moment of taking on a challenge and the exhilirating moment of completing a challenge are the thousand unglamourous moments of deciding, again and again, to keep going.

And yet, looked at another way, each one of those moments is another small victory. Every time I keep going instead of stopping, every time I push past the resistance and focus on the goal, I’m winning.

How are you going to win moment by moment on your path to your goal?

Mike Reeves-McMillan blogs on health and personal development, stress and success, at Living Skillfully: Your Mind and Health. He plans to make 2011 a great year for challenges.

How to Re-Motivate Yourself Every Day

You’ve had points in your life when you were incredibly motivated. Times when you started a new diet, looked seriously at changing career, began exercising again, got going on a big project, and so on.

Inevitably, though, you found that your motivation petered out. Maybe after a couple of weeks, maybe after just a day or two.

What happened? Why did it all go wrong?

Motivation is an emotion – and it doesn’t last forever. Like being in love, the initial high-energy rush quickly fades. Or, as Zig Ziglar puts it:

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.

But how do you motivate – or re-motivate – yourself on a daily basis?

#1: Look at the Big Picture

If you get up and rush straight into chores or your to-do list, you’ll inevitably find your motivation waning. You might wonder what the point is, or whether you’re really working on the most important tasks.

I find that my day always goes more smoothly when I take ten minutes in the morning to plan what I’m doing: to look at the days ahead, and to think through the most effective use of my time.

You might try:

• Getting up fifteen minutes earlier, so that you don’t feel so rushed first thing in the morning
• Looking at your calendar and planning your day before you open your inbox
• Making time to sit down and eat breakfast, instead of grabbing food on the run
• Meditating or praying for five minutes before work each morning

A calm start to the day can really set the tone for productive, meaningful work – instead of a rush through lots of little, unimportant tasks.

#2: Make Time For Yourself

How often have you started out feeling really motivated – about your diet, your work, your financial turn around – only to get more and more drained by daily life?

If you feel zonked out every evening, you’re probably not taking much time to rest and recharge during the day. However much you love your work, you do need down time – in the long run, this makes you much more productive, and more motivated.

Making time for yourself means taking a proper lunch break so that you come back refreshed in the afternoon. It means getting up from your desk and walking around to re-energise yourself physically. It means giving yourself permission to read a novel, take a long bath, or do something purely fun in the evening.

This week, find time to recharge each day – and notice what a difference it makes to your mood and your motivation levels.

#3: Work Efficiently

When you’re starting to feel a motivation lag, what do you typically do? I know that I get tempted to stop working – I’ll suddenly feel like chatting on Twitter or reading webcomics. It’s easy to convince myself that this is “taking a break”.

Really, though, it’s just procrastination. I know that I should be working – I even want to be working – so I’m not really relaxing at all.

If you’re starting to feel de-motivated, one of the best ways to get your energy back is to get on with your work. Make a checklist of what needs to be done, and tackle some of the major tasks. Yes, it’s hard to get started, but you’ll find that it’s easier and easier to carry on once you get going. Motivation is like momentum – once you’ve built it up, it doesn’t take much extra energy to maintain it.

I’m sure you’ve got plenty of your own tips and tricks for re-motivating yourself on a daily basis. Let’s hear them in the comments!

Ali Luke blogs about writing – tackling issues of motivation and productivity – over at Aliventures. You can grab the RSS feed here.

5 Tips for Working When You Don’t Feel Like It

We all can be motivated, self-starting dynamos – when we feel like it. But, let’s face it: sometimes starting or finishing a job can be excruciatingly difficult, especially when we are our own boss. These tips might help you get your body and mind synchronized and working together to get you off the couch and into active productivity.

Just start moving

You know the two sides to the Law of Inertia: A body at rest will remain at rest; a body in motion will remain in motion. Get the ball rolling. Go ahead and gas up the lawn mower. Fill the sink with soapy water. Open the can of paint and start stirring it. Open the book, turn on the calculator, put on your work clothes. Whatever your task might be, you probably know what Step 1 is. Do it.

Break it into pieces

Sometimes a task just seems so large and daunting that we just don’t know where to begin, and that can cause paralysis. You can’t climb Everest in one run, and you can’t paint a house in a day. Plan your work, and then work your plan. If you have to write a 20-page paper, make a list of the research you’ll need; do your research; outline the points you want to make based on your research; write the first half; write the second half; edit and polish it. The sooner you settle down and get to it, the more time you will have for each section of the project and the better your result will be.

Plan a treat for yourself at each milestone

Don’t let yourself have that carton of peach yogurt until you get completely done with the first piece of your project. Challenge yourself to complete the next phase of the task in time to watch Survivor or Grey’s Anatomy. Treat yourself to a Facebook break when you finish the next milestone (unless you’re a Facebook addict, then go for a scoop of ice cream). You get the idea. Give yourself the little perks you deserve to keep yourself motivated. And no cheating!

Figure out what’s holding you back, and then fix it

Is it a job you hate? Are you lacking the knowledge or instructions you need to proceed? Is your mind cluttered with other concerns that are making it impossible to focus? Are you physically too tired or too filled with toxins that are making you lethargic and lazy? Motivate yourself with the relief you’ll feel when the job is behind you and off your mind. Talk to your boss or client, or go online and get the information you need. Clear your mind and cleanse your body with some rigorous physical exercise, and then get right to work.

Have a little talk with the man or woman in the mirror

There is no better motivator than self-affirmation, self-confidence, and positive thinking. Look yourself in the eye and tell yourself that you can do it and that you have to do it. Visualize yourself as the master of your task, and visualize your task from start to finish. This part is like the huddle in a football game: You set up and design the play, and then you break with a shout of affirmation, leaving no room for doubt as to your ability and resolve to move the ball ahead. It may take several plays and a few first downs, but soon you will cross the goal line. Nothing succeeds like success, and each move ahead inspires the next and the next.

Jim DeBellis is a staff writer for Criminal Justice Degree Schools, a resource site providing information on criminal justice degrees, schools, and careers.

Anger Management: The Top 7 Ways People With Anger Management Problems Use Denial

by Dr. Joe James

in Self Help (submitted 2010-09-06)

In my experience, anger management problems are almost like an addiction in that people are very creative in finding all sorts of rationales for why they don’t need an anger management class. At times, it can almost appear as if they are in denial about their anger management issues. Part of the reason for this is that the way our behavior looks to us on the inside can look a whole lot different to someone on the receiving end of things.

I was in denial about my anger management problem, thinking that other people were too sensitive and that it was more their problem than mine. Sometimes people are too sensitive, but when you think that pretty much everyone in your life is too sensitive (as I did), you may be in denial about the need for anger management classes.

Two things happened that shook me out of my blindness to my anger management problem. The first occurred about 15 years ago when I was doing marriage counseling and all of a sudden the wife just went off on her husband. It was just like looking at myself – she used the same tone of voice, the same language, had the same look in her eyes and the same body language that I used and I was absolutely shocked at how forceful and frightening her reaction was. But that wasn’t enough for me to realize that I had an anger management problem.

A couple of days later I was talking on the phone with a friend of mine and I raised my voice, not because I was upset, but just because of the story I was telling him. All of a sudden my dog jumped down off the chair and ran under the bed. It was then that I realized I had an anger management problem. I mean if your own dog is scared of you things are pretty bad.

So, with that in mind, lets quickly review some of the stories people with anger management problems tell themselves to minimize or justify their anger.

Anger Management Myths

1) Venting, or taking it out on others, decreases rage. This actually reinforces the neural networks associated with the anger response. Becoming angry actually makes one more likely to get angry again.

2) Strong words are necessary to get people to listen to me. Do you like it when others treat you with contempt? While someone may go along with you in the short term just to get you off their back in the long run anger management problems breed resentment and rebellion.

3) If I don’t get angry, I don’t care. Becoming upset certainly shows that you are paying attention. But does enraged really get the job done any quicker or make someone else feel like you care about them? Care can be shown with patient, disciplined attention as well as by firmness and giving of time. You can be firm without having anger management issues.

4) Someone who makes me angry is worthless and deserves what they have coming to them. When you make mistakes do you feel like you deserve to get both barrels? Dehumanizing someone just makes it easier for you not to feel bad about hurting someone’s feelings.

5) Showing less annoyance means I think the other person is right. Or, using anger management means that you are learning ways to deal with offenders more coolly, effectively, and constructively. Again, who do you respect more – someone who blasts you or someone who treats you with respect?

6) Every day brings all sorts of problems for me to deal with. This is true for all of us. Every day also brings a lot of good things too. The problem is not as much the world’s imperfections as it is what we focus on and what we tell ourselves about it that causes anger management problems.

7) Depression is anger turned inward. Actually for many depression is anger turned outward. Depressed people often show higher levels of anger and anxiety. They often struggle with anger management because its just so uncomfortable to be in their skin or because their coping resources are so depleted all they are capable of doing when stressed is lash out in anger. People struggling with anger management issues are two to three times more likely to have a psychiatric illness such as depression than those who do not struggle with anger management.

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For more free anger management info check out http://angermanagement.net/denial-in-anger-management-problems

About the Author

Dr. Joe James is a nationally recognized expert who has taught anger management for over 15 years.

Six Steps to Stress-Free Parenting (well, almost!)

Nothing describes parenting better than stress! As far as I can tell, there are no stress-free ages or stages in raising children. Oh, some might be a little less challenging but they all have their ups and downs. Experts tell us that some stress, in moderate doses, actually increases performance. It is supposed to keep us sharp and ready for action. Too much stress and it will destroy our health and relationships.

Stress is defined as any physical or emotional demand that you feel unable to handle. These demands encompass all of the little hassles you experience every day, from the moment you try to get children up for school to the moment you finally get them to bed, at night. What makes daily hassles so dangerous is that they are too often considered trivial. Simply because they do occur every day, we disregard just how serious they can be to our overall wellbeing. Over time, these hassles of modern parenting add up, building in pressure, until we have an explosion of anger and frustration. In the aftermath, our family members stare at us in bewilderment or retaliate in defense.

In contrast, we take more seriously life’s major hassles. The big three are major illness, death, or a divorce.

No one questions us when we react strangely when these hassles rear their ugly head. We even get lots of sympathy cards and support in our time of need. But what happens when a major hassle is a cause of celebration or even desired. For example, when we get married, move to a bigger house, get a promotion, or have a baby, these are all joyous events, right? Yes, but they are also stressful!

Remember our definition: Stress is any demand you feel unable to manage. Can a marriage or new home be difficult to manage? Of course it can. If you do not have the management skills needed to cope with a particular problem and/or you are experiencing so many demands that no amount of skills are adequate to prevent you from being weighed down, you will experience stress. To help you better manage stress or prevent it altogether, here are six steps to stress-free (well, almost) parenting.

Managing Stress Skill #1: Be aware of stress.

Sounds obvious don’t it? You would be surprised at the number of parents who are unable to recognize the early warning signs of stress. For some parents, these signs include feeling over tired, irritable, or restless. For others, they observe family members attack or withdraw from others more quickly. Make a list, as a family, of how each person feels when under a lot of stress. Use recent examples to clearly identify the early warning signs. Have members describe what was going on in their body when under stress. Talk about how devastating stress can be on us physically and emotionally. Post this list on the refrigerator and remind each other of the telltale symptoms rather than blow up at one another.

Managing Stress Skill #2: Take a time out.

Don’t stop with just labeling your stressful feeling. Take some action. When recognizing stressful symptoms, announce: “I am going to take a time out.” Time out allows family members to cool down when over heated. It also prevents family members from saying or doing things, when stressed, that they may later regret. Of course, your family members might not like you taking a time out and follow you into the time out room. Politely ask them for a specific number of minutes and reassure them that you will come back out to discuss the situation that is causing you stress. If that doesn’t work, lock the door and tell you will be out soon!

Managing Stress Skill #3: Create a self-care plan.

You knew I was going to mention this one, didn’t you. If you are guilty of putting other family members first all of the time and neglecting yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually, then you need a self-care plan. Make sure to eat a balanced diet, get plenty of sleep, and exercise two to three times a week. In addition, meditate, pray, or spend time in a relaxing activity every day, even if it is for just a few minutes at a time.

Managing Stress Skill #4: Buy a time management planner.

You wouldn’t run a company or start a complex project without making plans and prioritizing your time. So don’t run a home that way. Of course, we’re not talking obsessive-compulsive behavior here. Just learn to use some simple time management principles. Go to your local stationary or office supply store and buy a basic time management planner. It has priority lists, contact names, project planners, calendars, and to do list already for you to better manage your life.

Managing Stress Skill #5: Solve problems together.

As parents, we think we have to have all the answers. Well, we don’t. Trying to act like you do will increase stress for you and the kids. Helping to solve family problems increases your child’s sense of ownership for the problem. Set up a regular time each week to talk about problems family members are experiencing and come up with working solutions. Set ground rules for the meeting, with basic courtesies being considered and allow everyone to contribute, no matter how ridiculous or self-serving the suggestion. And remember, while a family is indeed a democratic organization, the parents have veto power! Use it wisely.

Managing Stress Skill #6: Find support.

Find other adults, preferably parents, who will validate your feelings and support you when need it. They could be a relative who baby-sits for a couple of hours or close friends to sit who sit and have coffee together while the kids are in school. If you don’t have a close friend or relative, join a group or enroll in a class. Start browsing in the phone book under social services or recreation or crazed-parents (just kidding). It doesn’t even have to be parenting related. Just socialize and develop a strong social support network. This network will be there for you when the stress gets out of control. Or, when your child does.

These aren’t the only ways to minimize stress in your life. They won’t make your life stress-free. Expert’s claim that living stress- free isn’t be good for us anyway (although I would like to try it for a while). The reality is it isn’t gonna happen! So, pick one skill and start managing you and your families stress.

For more personal development guest articles, such as this one on managing stress, check the menu to the left.
For personal growth articles by The Happy Guy, check his personal growth library.

Ron Huxley is the creator of The Parenting Toolbox, including 400+ power parenting tools and offers parents to better manage stress which means stress-reduced parents! Get 300 strategies for managing stress today. Sign up here.

7 Ways For You to Be the Best You That You Possibly Can Be

Are you satisfied with your life and who you are? Are you living your life to the fullest possible? In this hectic crazy world it is very easy to lose sight of what is important. Many people have lost their self esteem and self respect. With the economy creating havoc in many peoples lives is it any wonder things are the way they are. There are so many people unemployed, many have lost their homes and families as well. And after losing all they had, they may also end up losing their most precious possession – themselves.

For many it is easy to give up, after all it is tough losing everyone one cherished and ‘loved’. I remember an expression I learned a long time ago, “when the going gets tough, the tough get going”. So I have to ask myself and you, are you tough? Do you have what it takes to tough it out? It is easy to give up and quit, but quitters never win. Do you want to be one of the quitters? I expect not, but life does throw us curves from time to time, the question really is how do we handle them? Here are seven suggestions for you to consider before you throw in the towel. Ponder these ideas and see how you can change and improve your life.

1. Do you know your purpose?

Everyone has a purpose, can you believe that, or do you see yourself as wandering through life with little or no direction. Are you hoping that things will work out, that you will find happiness, that prosperity will come knocking at your door? If you can find your life purpose you can turn around any situation ailing you at the moment. There are enough stories of people near the brink of total disaster or ruin who have found a purpose and turned it all around to become a success.

2. Do you know what your personal values are?

What is it that you value above all else? Do you know? Is it security, family, success, freedom, or just being happy? What is most important to you? If you do not know then how will you reconcile them to your purpose? Your purpose and values need to be aligned. Make a list of your values and compare it to your purpose.

3. Do you know what your needs are?

Have you been too busy taking care of everyone else that you have neglected yourself? Do you know what you need, or are you just satisfying everyone else. It is time to start taking care of yourself.

4. What are you passionate about?

Is there anything that you are passionate about. Find a bigger cause than yourself and get involved. There are many places where you can volunteer your time or services and by doing so you will get a better sense of self worth.

5. Are you living 100% on the outside instead of living from your heart?

Are you so busy looking outside that you have forgotten to go within? Perhaps you’ve heard the cliche, ‘go within or go without’. Do you take any time to sit quietly and listen to what is going on inside? Or are you like a leaf floating in the breeze.

6. Do you honor your skills?

What is it that makes you who you are? And if you are not sure then ask those close to you, you might be surprised what you hear. By sharing what you know and are good at you will increase your sense of self worth and self confidence.

7. Have you ever given of yourself and served others?

We are all part of humanity, living on this planet as individuals, yet at the same time as a family. Have you ever given back to the family, or to the planet? By giving of yourself you become richer in ways you may never have thought possible. Try it and see for yourself.

So the bottom line is regardless of your circumstances, or situation there is always hope. There are countless ways you can improve yourself and those around you. You are a child of the universe, there is not another one exactly like you. Please find your purpose and light your light so we may all see.

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Next, if you would like to find out more about Self Development and Healing, then visit Self Development and Healing now. To learn more about your health please visit Health Secrets Explained now.

5 Powerful Ways To Gain Control Over Your Mood

Your mood, in a significant way, is your life. Your predominant mood establishes the tone for your life. If your mood is predominantly happy, content, or an otherwise positive mood, chances are you’ll say you’re having a good life. And if your mood is predominantly negative, well…

What mood are you in right now?
How did you come to be in this mood?
Do you ever wonder where your moods come from?
Do you experience being able to make a choice about them, or do they just seem to happen to you?

The good news is, research in positive psychology and related fields is proving that you can take control of your mood, learn to be more optimistic, even happier, and thus create a better life for yourself.

There are three basic ways moods happen: without our knowing; when something happens, be it something good, or something bad; and because we chose to do something about a mood, and deliberately changed it.

When you wake up in the morning, what mood do you find yourself in? Do you tend to notice the mood, or is your first awareness a thought like, “Oh no, is it time to get up already?” Or “Uh oh, I forgot to….” And now those will get you in a mood, won’t they?

When you start your day with “Oh no,” or “Uh oh,” the sour mood that creates can have a powerful negative impact on your day, and on your overall well-being. If you don’t intervene, you’ve just set the stage for many other things to go wrong, feel wrong, and create stress throughout your day.

Likewise, if you start your day with gratitude for the sunrise, or appreciation that you woke up before your alarm, or excitement about what’s on the agenda for the day and the possibilities, that mood will also likely impact your entire day, and your well-being, this time for the positive.

So how can you take charge of your moods, and become a predominantly happier person?

1. Catch Yourself in the Act

Many of us have habits of thinking that put us in a bad mood. Self-criticism, worrying, regretting – all of these are thought loops we run, like an old CD we forgot to take out of the stereo, without realizing we can choose something else. The next time you find yourself doing one of these negative bad mood thought habits, STOP. Don’t beat yourself up for it (that would just be more of the same). Simply remove that old CD, and put in a new one. You could literally turn on some music and listen to that rather than thinking. You might try telling yourself you’re not going to waste another minute on that, and then think about something else. Anything would be progress from continuing to indulge those old negative thought habits.

2. Focus on Positive Thoughts

You can create new, positive thought habits, put some good new CDs on your player, by creating a discipline for yourself of thinking positive thoughts. For example, start a gratitude journal, and focus at least once a day on things you’re grateful for. Get in the habit of acknowledging and appreciating people. Let yourself vision your own positive future. Any time you spend in positive thinking is time well spent!

One simple way to refocus your thinking is to ask yourself (and others, by the way) questions that help focus on the positive, such as: *What am I grateful for? *What am I proud of? *What am I happy about? *Who loves me? *Who do I love? *How have I contributed?

3. Change Your Language

Your words, both spoke out loud and spoken to yourself in your thoughts, have great power to influence your mood. Phrases like “I can’t…” as in, “I can’t afford that” will bring you down. Replace that with, “I am preparing to…” Or even “I choose to…” and notice the difference you feel.

Every time you describe something from your past as if it were happening now (even if the last time it happened was just a moment ago) you are bringing yourself down. There is great power in leaving the past behind, beginning with your language, and being optimistic about the possibility that the future may be different. The simple phrase, “I used to…” or “Up until now I…” can help you to change your mood, and your behavior, to a whole new possibility.

4. Don’t Just Stand There, DO Something!

One of the most powerful and simple ways to change your mood is to take action. A simple shift in your posture (look up, stand tall, chin up) will lift your mood. Moving your body, i.e. exercise or dancing, will elevate your mood, even if it’s not strenuous. Play upbeat music, and watch what happens to your mood. Or, sing a song yourself!

5. Take It On and Feel the Difference

You can retrain your predominant mood by making some or all of these suggestions standard daily practices. Start your day by reciting or writing what you’re grateful for. Before you start working, and throughout the day, stand up, look up, even jump up, and pick up your mood. Acknowledge and appreciate others at every opportunity. Play music in the background as you work, or clean, or cook. Exercise every day. Breath deeply and enjoy the moment. One of my favorites – hold my hands under the water and enjoy how it feels each time I wash up in the bathroom – quick, easy, uplifting.

Play with it, find your favorites, and lift your mood. It’s up to you to take charge of the quality of your life.

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Dinyah Rein has been coaching people to succeed at their personal and life goals for more than 25 years. If you’re ready to move powerfully forward toward your own goals,sign up for her weekly newsletter at http://coachdinyah.com