As a coach who helps people ‘renew their minds and live their words’ I recently came across someone who said they really wanted to achieve their goals but actually had very low motivation for achieving them. And he didn’t know why. Is this you? If so, read on.
Now, given the name of this article you may be wondering if it is about feeling ‘unworthy’ to succeed as in ‘I don’t deserve to succeed’. That is certainly something that can derail you and is important to deal with, but I am talking about a different type of deserve, what some people might call an ‘entitlement mentality’.
You may have heard the phrase: ‘You act like the world owes you a living’.
‘That’ kind of deserve, – the kind that assumes that something belongs to you or is coming/owed to you.
Behind this are certain ideas like:
I ‘should’ have success
I deserve it (it’s my ‘right’)
Can you see how this might cause low motivation? If you believe that something is your right, owed to you, deserved (because of your importance perhaps?) then why would you want to work for it. You ‘should’ have it. Hence, the low motivation to go after it.
The problem is, the rest of the world might (and probably doesn’t) agree with you! If you are an African Prince, or Scandinavian royalty then you might be able to get away with it more easily. But even then what is given (yes, given) to you comes because others consent to pass it your way.
So, here are some questions to investigate whether you think this way yourself:
Do I feel/think that I ‘should’ have what I want? (pick a particular area)
Why should you have it? List your reasons.
Do you think you deserve it? For what reasons?
Does the world around you agree? How does thinking this way affect your effectiveness?
What would happen if you assumed ‘if it was going to be, it’s up to me?’
What if you didn’t value the idea of ‘deserving it’ at-all? What would that open up space for in your mind?
This particular client had had some painful childhood experiences and about age 12 had unconsciously ‘decided’ that because he had suffered so much he DESERVED a better life by proxy. He didn’t know he believed this, but when we did some time-line work (an NLP technique) he discovered a ‘part’ that felt this way.
After talking to himself at ’12’ (yes, I know it sounds strange) and sharing his ‘adult wisdom’ he was able to leave that belief behind. And much of his motivation returned.
Douglas Cartwright is a personal clarity engineer who helps people ‘renew their minds and live their words’. To find out more, visit http://www.livingwords.net and book your free introductory session. This powerful change experience is not for everyone. But it might be for you. Come to the site and find out.